This is what I know: I intend to SQUASH every last VICIOUS RUMOR that is circulating about (m.e.). It’s an OUTRAGE!! And it is 100% NOT TRUE!!! I am NOT… repeat NOT… softening my stance on the matter of the HUGE wriggling-alien-dust-moppy-thing. Nor was I curled up with said alien-dust-moppy-thing. Any photo, video, or any other such outlandish type of evidence, is nothing more than alien TRICKERY!!! It’s absolutely egregious… not to mention SNEAKY!!!
This preposterous fabrication of fact is merely an attempt to discredit me at the OPCA Poodle Consultants Summit!! It will not be tolerated by (m.e.) and the trumped-up story that I have been “sleeping with the enemy” will most definitely be exposed and go on that HUGE wriggling-alien-whirling-dervish-dust-moppy thing’s PERMANENT RECORD!!!!
I shall triumph! I shall prevail!! I shall conquer without regard to the evil alien forces that press against (m.e.)!!!